There’s an old story about two monks who came to a river crossing and found an old woman sitting there afraid to venture into the water. Much to the annoyance of his companion, one of the monks volunteered them to carry her across, which they did. For the rest of their journey that second monk complained about how much his back hurt from carring her weight, and how filthy his clothes were for having stumbled under it. Finally, the first monk stopped and said to him: ‘Have you wondered why I am not complaining? Your back hurts because you are still carrying the woman. But I set her down five miles ago.’
It illustrates the way many of us hold on to the pain that other people have may caused us in the past. But the truth is, no matter how long you nurse a grudge, it won’t get better.